Monday, January 21, 2008

The 6th sense _ expansion

I stood up my love on the curb of impatience
Completely forgetting my time I should have spent understanding what love wanted me to do, I ran into the craziness of a dream and took a blind motorways fast imagination. It looked perfect, it looked like a 6th sense expansion – that I felt I knew what I was doing – and that this is what I wanted –

But this is not what I want – I want something else – the drum roll drives my head insane – what is the end of this musical fantasia of an unrealistic reality – for the first time I’m stuck with something I’ve dreamed plunged into the opening of a gaping hole of realness.

It got me thinking …. Are dreams really what you always want? I can’t believe that I secretly wish it was taken back – that secretly It would dissolve back into the crevices of my sleep – because there it was the best thing that could ever happen to me, it was the joy that broke all terror away – but now it is the nightmare that I can only dare to accept –
Slowly my lips slow their roll and divide to take in air of cold cold realization – this now

Realistic Dream
Is confusing me and making me Scared
Its changing me and breaking my Truth

I know that I’m forgetting the depth of my souls inner identity, the sixth sense inside me gurgles to shout that this is an upcoming problem – this is a defect that is surging in the volcano of your life – don’t leave it erupt and its too late to save anything from your room of feelings- what would you take if you could evacuate? – If you just knew it was going to turn out into a huge big deathly disaster – what would you take?

My fingertips stare blank, my eyes distance their concentration on a small speckle of latitudinal expectancy – how I wish I could do what I tell myself to do – if I could run – I would not forget to bring my sanity –

Sane – stay sane – is the main – way you can interpret anything – if I had sanity in my pocket runaway – I could be sane enough to leave the circle I’ve been pushed into – enter somewhere I am used to and react with special need to my heart –

I know deep inside me that if I think straight just for a while – I could get the bigger picture – the 6th sense expansion –

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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -