Monday, January 7, 2008

Morning Prayer

The shadows of peace waft in through the dawn. As I sleep the skies praise to change color uniting with life, with air. The darkness lifts slowly as dreams begin to end. Souls awaken to the time of fulfilling a new day; showers of accordance with hope. Morning Prayer sings in my heart, my eyes flutter like butterflies enchanted by the world. Time to speak to god first thing, time to say to god thank you for everything and I want to begin this day with you.

I breathe in the existence of coming together with freshness as I bathe myself in ‘wadu’ waters to heal and be healed – three times everywhere and I am revitalized with nourishment of mind. – As I part the prayer mat apart I part the devils chains – the mat sways to the floor and I stand upon a dance of miracles – the devils chains break loudly – my lips begin to move relaxed yet strong with words flavored with beauty.

I cover my hair, my arms, my feet – with cloth of softness yet I escape beneath to a place of kindness – as I pray morning prayer – I feel a new gift just being bought - the most expensive thing I ever wanted – freedom – saved as the sunrise smiles – saved as innocence flies – my room feels like heaven – I transform the simplicity of space into unknown existent horizons.

As I kneel and bow and continue this ease – I raise my hands to the most beneficent – the light casts a visit through the windows and my room glitters with morning – I ask for all I need but I beg for forgiveness, I beg for acceptance – and I beg for true heaven- not the one I have created simply by praying morning prayer – changing all mentality into wondrous dexterity. I feel at home within my home within myself. I kiss my hand as if kissing all nature to thank – and I begin my day knowing I have shielded myself from the first layer of any tears – from the produces of hatred – from the troubles of sadness -

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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -