Friday, August 31, 2012

Change the whole of me 4






Good morning Allah
here I am to pray on  a friday so I may
cherish in you r sweet existence and transform in to the queen i really would like to be
I ask for time for time is precious
I understand its expensive and I realy cannot afford
but I pray for your kindly reward
of more time
I ask for peace
within my heart and mind and soul
no reigning battles or battles conquered
just agreements and signed mutual contracts
strong pacts that all three agree - the fight is against
the devil not
themselves
Good morning allah
I pray on the second friday after Ramadan
you give me change . the whole of me
and you  only let me distance from Ramadan through time
only to get nearer to next ramadan
not through forgeting
not through sinning
not through living a life not worth living

i miss my country and the perfect smells or even the wrong ones
i miss the waft of early morning and that queit attitude of the mid afternoon snoozing or independant TV watching while everyone else is alseep unless the house is filed with relatives so you relatively hear amplitudes of giggles and chatting about everyone else -
Ya Rab take me back home
but not when I am not ready
 Iask you let that be the right time
for I want to change the whole of me first 

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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -