Saturday, August 4, 2012

Day unknown

Everytime I do something good or IM on the right track
my head
my head loses happinness it falls from me like raindrops
and im back to square 1
i always ask myself why?
and the answer is to stay low and underdeveloped becasue i know
that i am magnificent
if i am set free
so i should never be set free
just pretend you lvoe god kida nd kida and do seomthing good maybe a bit more in ramadan yeah
well leav eyou
but thats about it
if you think well let yo go
think agian

its a shame you knw
that life is one chance
and each second that goes will never come back
for if u had a second chance you would not live like this

I am asking you
to love and live
and be happy and smart
and strong

and you are asking me to be
weak and tired and unhappy and withheld and broken

where do you want to go
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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -