Tuesday, August 21, 2012

good morning

Good morning to life
the dawn still black and the angels still around
I can feel a sense of peace and earth accumalate but humiliation and fear depth that I am
onyl a human being
with faults and sins
minor and major
but all inshallah with gods mercy can be forgiven
i want to be better
smarter
successful
proud of myself
i want to be demanding of myself but not on others
i want to think before i speak
i want to project wealth of soul
i want
to
be
really a hopeful ray
of a faithful woman
who benefitted from ramadan
unlike any other year
unlike any other time
for its like a new buisiness has opened
and it must be magaged with patience for finance ( success) to come
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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -