Wednesday, August 29, 2012

change the whole of me 3

Change the whole of me for I want to taste life
and i want to have cystals of sugar in my fantasies
and I want to smell cookies in the oven of a hot afternoon
or the bubbling lasagne of romance
I want to feel the hot cardemon tea on my lips
over merging night
and i want to indulge int he delicacy of melting chocolate in a secret place
 change the whole me Ya RAb, I want every cell of me to never forget
or regret
anything
I want the whole of me
to become
happier stronger better cleaner
Change the whole of me
I want to grill my sadness away
then only the cool yogurt icecream will be left
somewhere between the 3am blissful darkness of  khartoum fairytale and the faint bliush tinge of a heavy refrigerator
will be me
Change the whole of me Ya Rab
change the whole of me Ya Rab
for I want cake but I want it with crazy tastes
and a glistening spoon
not ugly with a plastic fork
I love cake
Ya Rab
I love cake
change the whole of me like good cake
Ya Rab

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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -