Monday, August 13, 2012

Day 24

is it that no matter how dark i get always always god helps me to find the light?
the fireworks and the time to see them
or is it that i am just being so awful that god wants me to see how much i am missing

for if i was listening to songs for just 2 or 3 more minutes
i would have missed it
but now that i saw it i feel like a huge hole in my heart is still emprty
and my ears hurt
and my mind is bland
for i am not in the right place
even though it is right here
but its like
my train is not stopping in this station
when will itstop?
when it is too late

this year
this year
its ben bad
and then worse
in the last 10 days!
I FEEL sick from laziness
and confliction
and madness
and strangelies
and strange dreams
and stranger
contradicitons
i am neither here nor there
neither here nor there
neither here nor there
but lets imagine tonight is laylat alqadr
what would you do ?

No comments:

What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -