Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Change the whole of me 2

A woman of dreams, glowing around a saphire heart, wishing upon a star in a sky for God to see and hear I dream my faith never dissappears, I ask to be like a golden ring or a ruby stone deep and red and attractively bright with youth , with strength with confidence with time with good faith not the kind that gets tarnished no I want to be like gold and ruby forever my colour lingers. I do not want negativities I want to be aligned like the time is with the day or the years are with the months or the sun is with the day, I look at a new me that needs attention blissful recreation and adjusting to fit easily with the right thing, for I realise I have been squashing myself in and even cutting the right thing to make it fit...and then pretending it was ok. Look at the way the dress fals perfectly I see lanterns though and smell  fragrances of sweet alien in a house full of fresh roses and pink and white dellicatessen or maybe ...talcon powder and egyptian sweets, the sugar glistening in a warm kitchen left still in time as life ponders elsewhere in happinness and dreams coming true . energetic yet soft, calming yet exciting, healthy and healthy. Change the whole of me forwards, like a floating galaxy travelling distances to a new astronomical decision that is to change the fate of matters and love, forever.

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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -