Thursday, August 23, 2012

If you feel like giving up....just see these

I ask for time , I ask for healthm mind and body and i ask in wealth of memory, Ya Rab i ask to chabge deep through every lining and cell of my body and I ask to improve my images and the images i collect - of life and time - i ask to be quick in answering to you and to other examinations - I ask to be light yet grand - have nice shoes an skin with a fragranced heart . Ya Rab I ask for good eyesight so that i can see past the traps the devil has set up for me and I ask for better judgement. Ya Rab I ask you accept me and take myworries before they choke me and make me a wiser woman this time 



I stare at the rippling waters and imagine the sounds - at the tips of the earth the man forgets nature and turns to the creator of nature - amidst the flowery sunset and the used sand - the waiting boat and the rising night he does not care about anything else but making his beautiful faith - of the upmost irresistable beauty - to give to GOd as a present - I ask myself what have i turned my back to that just looks so beautiful that i felt i could not r esist and turned to God and my faith instead >?





I've had a bad day, a hard day, a long day , I feel utterly weak and i just want to scream , but then i see this mans sanity grace collect in the deepenss of his heart somewhere where im sure does not fit him but he has found himself in - and yet he is more at home in this strange land than anybody else - i think to myself if he can unite himself and humble himself in this foreign situation - so can I




I am close to giving up and then I see this - men praying in guantanamo bay - to GOd the only one with complete freedom - none of us have freedom without him and I escape into their pains and forget my own

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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -