Sunday, August 19, 2012

Day 31 /1

for hte last month we look at minutes with exact detail
they mean so much
for they mean opening joy and closing allowances

and now its 00.00
the first minute of eed
I think to myself
small details should give me joy
for I am here youthful and proud strong and healthy and clever enough to know how kind god has been to me

I pray that all my windows and doors are closed from the devil
i pray my soul is mine and mine alone
I pray i am the most obedient servant
for it is he that i should be racing to make proud

god has given me and other muslim girls an occupation
to free islam and live it with all its beauty and indentations in life
but to never forget the hidden secrets of the unseen but foretold
heaven and purity and scents and strange things and dark green
like a love story
or the most secret of you
the most centre or most deepest part of your heart
that you decide to never give to anybody but god
fajr
i have decitated myself to for the last 30 days
 they say it takes 30 days to change a habit
but  i say fajr is my breath of the day that if i leave un inhaled shatters my lungs and freezes my heart
for fajr warms the morning
and cools the night breeze of darkened light
and brings you closer to god and your dreams

I pray
i ask
I know I will be answered
for I pray to the one who is kind and merciful
and I ask the one that is shy to return his servants empty
and I know i will be answered

Ya Rab, change the whole of me


No comments:

What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -