Tuesday, July 31, 2012

the bigger picture - the better woman- Day 12



Number 44
Please dont give up and say you are beaten
remember you are better
you just dont know how to show it
you are kinder
you just dont know how to give it
you are wiser
you just forget in the midst of trouble or fury
please dont be angry
anger is never the correct method to proceed
remember what you want
but you must work
and stop feeling jealous
for I dont understand
it is she that must be jealous of you
a beautfiul young passionate
faithful
forgiven
smart
healthy
woman

dont lie to yourself
but dont lie to yourself
dont be so hard on yourself
but dont let go of all the reigns
dont be so soft
but be tamed and light and sweet
liek a cool breeze in the desert
or the most beautiful flower in the world
or the kindest smile on earth
or tbe best voice for this faith
dont be rough and sharp around the edges
smoothen yourself
and smoothen your heart think about what it is you want
Omar Ibn alKhattab
sae the bigger picture
have you?

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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -