Sunday, July 29, 2012

so choose day 10 - the start ofthe secon third

I need to be better I ask myself
can i really be two people at the same time
I ask myself
can i really want to things at the same time

i cannot
it cannot be
my mind is alwaystorn
my heart is always exhausted
my soul is always mad
my body is always confused

I cannot be both women
the one who loves god and faith and wants to be simple and pure ,smart honest and gives her time truly to A heaven

and the one who is naughty and has wild dreams and crazy ideas and is jealous, lazy, stubborn, short tempered and wastes her time in pathetic desires-----
I cannot

BE BOTH






SO CHOOSE


what woman do you want to be not just in ramadan but in life
what woman do yo uwant to be
do you really think you deserve these big honest changes good dreams like this?
do you really think you can do both
you have to change hope
your sentiments and joys must change
your smiles must advance
your emotions must strenghten
your meaning must be rediscovered


everything in you
must flower and bloom
like a rose in the desert
a message in the sea found
a stolen gold retrieved
a melting land in the middle of the ice

everything inside you frozen must thaw
and all that was stolen must berestored
and messages once lost must be told
and rose isolated must remain in bloom and never stop believing



No comments:

What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -