Wednesday, July 4, 2012

Stolen dreams 1

the closest person to me hurts me with a stab
kills me with an emotional knife
but its for good ...they say
i feel my body die a million times each time
hurt a thousand more
cry a billion tears of  emptiness
for being in this hard journey
and having no one to help you or understand you
or know you
or


be with you


I dont know

God i want to be strong
but sometimes it so hard
so so hard


i dont to suffer like eyes torn from destruction of minds
and memories useless amidst a beautiful picture

once
I
was
here

nothing torments me more than this emotional type of wicked kindness
but i deserve it
i know
but i feel my heart breaking

 my dream
has been stolen
but hten again
i think
how many peoples dreams have been stolen in life ?
too many 
beautiful girls and boys
with stolen dreams

and i 
i am one of them 
 
 
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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -