Sunday, July 29, 2012

Day 10

Day 10 a third gone
why is it I always cannot
i always cannot
why is it I am worried or I am sad
why is it I am never glad
why is it I am afraid or I am in denial
why is it I am worried
when my god is iwth me always
i know ive done wrong
but i have also done right
i know i have done mistakes
but i have also asked to be forgiven
i know i have wasted time
but ive also////////not replaced it

Ya RAb help me
it is in your hands not her s
but i ask you to help me
Ya Rab
Ya Rab
thank you for all youve done for me helped me and i ask you to complete me
and save me and keep me safe
and protect me from myself first
why is it i find things hard/
becasue i am lazy
?
weak? bored?
wrong
becasue i am not faithful enough
Day 10
what have i learnt from Ramadan?
times can get tough
but you must perservere
and continue 
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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -