Tuesday, July 31, 2012

Ramadan beaten at day 12

i am the circle of attention
and i hate it

i am also the square of laziness and confusion
and drama
and i loate it

yesterday i thought
i ama new woman
better
stronger kinder
but really what have i done to do this

nothing

i am the triangle of depsair
always in angles unable to get out of
always broken
never have i stressed myself to be stronger
so i dont find myself in a situation
i hate

I am tired
i am really tired
and i am sad that i have to take advice from a beautiful girl
who is frankly truly and honestly
better than me

wiser than me

happier than me
imagine she talks to the man of her dreams
about me

what should I do she says?
he kindly as he hugs her to sleep or maybe having dinner or while cuddling in tv says
no dont tell her
you stay out of it my dear

she listens to him
and does exactly as he says

 
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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -