Sunday, November 22, 2009

I never usually 32

So happy, so so so so so so happy
but to get to that stage
there is a lot of hard work
no matter what your pathway is
no matter where you want to be happy
you must work
and wake up early
and stay up late
you must clean and dust and polish your faith
you must argue with yourself about your mistakes
for no one can intimidate you more than yourself
in order to be happy , you must try
and never lie to yourself
you must consider options and let your hair down to life
for you to be happy you must consider yourself lucky
and stop making people think you are not
stop making yourself think you are not
think of it this way...
Not all people know that rythym you know
for you to be happy you need to understand
and command, you understand
yourself
THIS IS WHY YOU ARE NOT HAPPY
you do notwant to understand yourself
you do not want to know who youare
andwhat you mean to yourself
or what you need
that is why you arenot happy like how they dance
like how they feel and know and love
and dance

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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -