Monday, November 30, 2009

Closure

I truly believe the universe moved for me to read those words that day

I truly believe I flew all around that same universe to see fabric hidden of something dark and dispersed contained behind millions and millions of little secret build ups of provisional traditions and

Love

I truly believe / \I felt pain, I felt distraction from order, I felt disbelief so much and so bad that I threw it out

I threw out any evidence and prayed - for that would and could be , the only thing available to give me closure

but this case, these thoughts are never going to close

no matter how hard I try

it is always in the back of my mind

everytime I try forget

my heart twinges

and my soul fringes

and the past and the efforts of twisted fate and bad destiny deep in my body cringes

I dont know

I truly believe everything happens for a reason

but I don't know

where and when is the reason

I hope I find closure , without it closing

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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -