Sunday, November 1, 2009

I never usually 17


With the flowers on my new tea cups - I breathe the mint of fury onto my tongue, escaping the morning of broken lullabies and tormented mind -

let me burn with acetic acid and shattered satellite signals

I watch the love of my dreams

and pray for a stronger dream

grapefruit twists of love, and music to my ears

walk and talk

i pray he is not mad

i pray he gives me all i desire

like when lovers give each other everything

over fields of interlaced happiness

and when the end comes, before the start

and when the start comes before you ask

i know i ask a lot

i know i dont do a lot

it is all imabalanced

but my god, i pray you help me

please help me

for you are the only thing in my life

that could offer me this

i know i'm not a business woman

neither is this a good business offer

but i offer my begging desires that you help me

please god help me

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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -