Sunday, November 1, 2009

I never usually 16


Maybe I should explain...

you see it was raining outside and the pearls of water fell on my window

trying to tell me a story

i was lost and unfound

and i listened to the words in the rain

angels in the sky, they take your prayers

and can give it a try

why else do you think the earth gets wet with all these dreams

of peoples imaginations , coming true

coming near you, are the wavers of a question

ask and you will get

ask and you can bet

you cant get more romantic than that

more simple than that

more heavenly than that

more true than that

be patient

be kind

be you

but when i looked at myself i couldnt find me

i only found parts of me that i could not understand

and so i began to find a way

which way?

and the more i looked, the more deeper i had to search for that woman inside me

she was so lost, so tired

so weak , non defensive,

so far down in a big black hole

crying, crying, eyes so small

those eyes i lost to prisons voloptous statements of impurity

those ears i lost

to making people angry

those times i lost

eating

at my heart

at my mind

i considered the opposing fantasies

guess im just not an interesting person

guess ill just never find a love so interesting

guess i dont deserve to find that pearl of water to collect my wishes

clean my dirty dishes of ...exaggurated heartbeats and adrenaline

No comments:

What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -