Sunday, November 8, 2009

I never usually 23


Whenever it gets this quiet, I just want to daydream

Can you close your eyes and have a dream?

But let the person whom you want most, to be in it as well

...........I dont want to dream

Just once , can't you do something I asked for?

Don't you have time in your life that you can let go of?

Is it too hard to dream about it?

....... If you also do, I will



He nods as she closes her eyes into a space that he has gently pulled her in


You are not actually dreaming, you only do as if your dreaming



......................Don't disturb me, just look at our own dream!



She closes her eyes again, this time... she pulls him in,

into her eyes, into her face, he is now passionatley involved in her, her dreams sit on his heart , he feels uncontrollably lost in her memories, he wants her so bad, he cant be held back no more, he is.... ridiculously too far near her now



...........look, but you are being a spoilsport!



nothing ... his eyes remain on her soul, he can only hear his heart beating so fast, so real



I know exactly what I want, I am at a place where reality and dreams are mixed up

Here I am sitting at a small restaurant.... watching you



Since you heard my dream..lets hear yours



.....I am walking on the fields with my dad

There is the smell of soil that got wet with the rain

my face is getting wet by small drops of rain

I am happy

But it's too hard for that dream to come true now



I envy those drops of rain

are you going to leave yourself to other rains?

won't i see you again?

___________________________

Rain,... they say angels fall with the rain, taking your dreams and taking them back to the sky

here, it is cold, when it rains, I think of umbrellas and going inside,

but when I see the pearls on my window, when i hear the noise of the storms

I wonder about feelings of despair and happiness at the same time

rain is depressing but beautiful at the same time


In africa... rain is an intervention of the privacy in your mind, swinging to the sound of its beginning and the sways of nature it sings, rain is always intimidating to the heart,opening the truth within you, I open the windows asking for the wetness of a dry continent to come to me, if it cuts electricity that may be even better,for I no longer need anything to light my life, with the the position of this intensity, the darkness sweeps me into the beatings of a fascinating merging -within my dreams and reality, I am wet with all the angels falling down, I am the winds shadows of time, the cold is now heat of love, the floods soak my passion and lust I am carried into the clouds of raining Sudans land, rain becomes me, fixes my face, fixes my hair, fixes my body, fixes my life as my life, now rains down on me


So you see, rain is a part of romance, whether I cannot be in it or whether i can , it will always be a part of me, always asking for my concern, trying me, to one day - - - stand in the middle of somewhere and just let it rain.. - as all the stars watch

I ... close my eyes and dream too





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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -