Monday, November 2, 2009

I never usually 18


I could watch this forever


I could , I could, I could


everytime i notice something


i feel something


different


I get stronger


its not affecting me in any other way


its not just entertainment


its not just a show


i can't let go


of the dream if purs in me


like my world wants something from them


>>>>>>>>>>>>>>


I perspire to work effortlessly at this


I ,


admire my strength so far


I do


but I do not admire my impatience


or my lack of gratitude


for all of this


has changed me


and i never usually change


and change even though might be good


can also be


...destructive






to be continued


..........>>>>


I never usually forget the most important thing in my life


I never usually become enstranged from my closest love


I never usually never wake up


but this time


I am very sleepy , very sleepy in this dream

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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -