Friday, November 6, 2009

I never usually 20


Ive missed 8

Ive missed my life passing by

Ive missed myself

I ran myself flat tired, gasping for breath

gasping for me and my dreams

Ive missed my love, my eyes,

Ive missed taking care of my dreams

for my dreams

I lost and gave them to this drama

and thats not what i intended

I intended to make my own love

my own fights and smiles

my own ... happinness

I intented to ask for this

to pray for this

to beg for this

and to use them as a brick

but not as my house

no I wnat my own house

my own rain

my own temper

my own anger

my own heart love

my own dreams coming true

yes, I need their help

but now they are not helping me

they are changing me

you see, I never usually change

and now I it is time to stop changing

I mean change is adangerous thing

you can change for the better

but u can also become something you cannot understand anymore

someone tired and sick

someone ...afraid

and hiding from themselves and their image

someone hiding from the world

escaping into this and that scene

I will not give up

I just need to find myself

find myself i must do

No comments:

What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -