Wednesday, November 11, 2009

I never usually 26


It seems to me you're looking for an excuse to leave this city,

what about the ones you're leaving behind

arn't they important to you?


..............it will be better this way


you are that sure, really?


.............. she nods, hoping that she can hide the uncertainty of her fears inside, the weakness in her voice, so afraid of what could happen next moment, she nods, trying to convince herself before anyone


.................I'll start from the very beginning here, I should not look back, so nobody looks behind me either


Do you want to be forgotten ?


.................She thinks about this, thinking about what brought her here, what she was trying to achieve.... to be forgotten, to try and forget... she wanted to forget , the past, yesterday... her insane love growing for him every second...


................. For those who can forget , yes.......

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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -