Sunday, March 3, 2013

writing in secret in midtown khartoum

work writing
I can barely breathe from happinness but all I see is goodness in my heart shining
This is the best life that ive been looking for and althoug hi cant believe
although i cant feel it because im so numb
all i can do is decide this

i wil never be unhappy again
i will never be lazy
i will never be ungrateful
and i will never lose hope

god has challenged me many times and now
although he is challenging me
he is giving me life as i wanted
as i wanted and better
and life takes time but it also
requires speed to say

i am happy right now and that is it
i sit here amongst a sudden change in my life again
thinking there are about 5 6 doors ahead of me better than
the 1 door that was open for me just before
i think this is like a miracle
can i do it?
i dont know
do i want to do it?
definietely


ya rab forgive me for all my sins
and since ive started a new page jsut now just right now
let me never blacken it
ir dirty it
or fail you
ya rab
remove all my worries and fears
and let me be the one i dream to be

that woman nispirational
that woman beautiful
that woman memorable
that woman confidant
that woman tempting
that woman who can be a friend lover and mother
that woman that can be smart , intelligent and helpful
to a nation lost for need

 
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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -