Tuesday, March 19, 2013

Khartoum heartbreak _ the real 2

i feel distant
i feel different
is this the same me?

I suddenly realise this is the first time im in the sky feeling so deeply in love
never have i travelled so.... heavy with emotion it may just bring the plane down
I close my eyes and hear the turbine roll and pur into vastness
there is nothing out there for miles
except stars

thousands of stars
near me
and I am far
from the only star
that i want to be near

fresh lavender
i shuffle until i find new music
beautiful music

everything falls into space
as i listen to two songs in particular
everything falls in to space
i was meant to be here to listen to these
and there is now wy i would have found them

i close my eyes
and dream of white lace and long trails
of flowers in my hair
and a pink smile
just the way he likes
i dream of golden lights and jasmine flowers
i dream of my beating heart
and perfect fingers holding each other
I dream of me
looking...... like in a dream

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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -