Thursday, March 7, 2013

M & A 11 - I could walk to his... heart

Traffic soars in streets of fire
orange and red lights give me stories to tell
i am put in one fierce spell
by noises deep in the african night
collections of cars swirling in chaos
i forget to fight this time
their mess
f or i am tired but happy

silence is abnormally beautiful
queit is tremendously peaceful

am in love
as he conquers all my traffic and I cannot go anywhere without being his accident

there are no footsteps
no open doors
no screams
no children
no ... life
just me and the refrigerator humming loudly
with icecream inside
imagine a refrigerator with only icecream inside
no its not a dream
it only has icecream
like i only have desire to eat it
like i only have desire to eat it with him
like i only have desire to eat it with him alone

I feel mesmerised
that in this dirty city
he is my remedy
in this torn and hot place
i am calm when i see his face

i feel like a triangle
i here him there
and god connecting us above
for there is no other way that we can
share the same close corners
 the same sparkling stars
and be lighted by the same round and perfect moon

just 6 or 7 doorsteps away
and 8 0r 9  shops away

my destiny resides
i could walk
i could take a taxi
to the future and finish this pain i have
when he is far aawy
but instead

i write
that i feel hypnotised
by the similiarity and
the conspiracy of fate
and that calms me
i wil never forget his face
as he felt sad about something
i wanted to be his everything
but i dont think he realised how much he affected me
i guess in time he will see
that his emotoins are my emotions
and his feelings are my feelings
and his tears are my tears
his joy is my joy
and his plans are my plans
his body is my body
and i want to steal it all
and not be responsible for the lack of control
that i may cause


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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -