Sunday, March 17, 2013

KRF_ the letters of starting again

this time is for remembering all the good parts of me
like being kind
no one taught me that
I grew up to find myself
unable to hate people easily
unable to see their hearts sad and not be sad with them
able to pray for others and not just myself and want to deep down be like the kind

I want to remember the woman inside me that
loves being romantic
fighting for each cell of romantic bliss when  others told her
I love it all
the everything in everything
the candles
the roses
the kisses
the words
the touch
the everything in everything
about romance
silly or sexy
desire or need
passionate or lustful
tragedy or fairytale
I love love and all of its intricate details
that make up my delicate personality

I want to remember the woman within me
that fears allah, that wants to be with allah
the one who was faithful
that knows without him she is nothing
the one who had the strongest faith
the faith of all faiths
amongst the rain , amongst the unfaithful
riding red buses and feeling life was difficult and
I was strong
I prayed
I wanted to be clean
and healthy always
faith is one of the most important parts of me and always will be

Kind Romantic Faithful

let me find those three things inside me from today until forever

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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -