Thursday, March 7, 2013

M & A 10... and so many

I'd much rather write about you
than go far away and talk and chew
it would be meaningless to laugh
since you are not there
it would be pointless to be happy
since you are not near
id much rather stay here and think about writing this for you
than think about others, id be so blue from the outside and no make up would hide it
, id be like a volcano on the inside and no water can quench it
my whole body turning
and my whole body swirling
in anger as to why  i was there and not here writiing  about you
id much rather have you in my mind
than get in a car and sit behind
all i want is to sit by your side
while you drive and together we ride
id much rather eat with you , dance with you
pray with you, drink with you , be with you
than travel roads, distances and traffic lights
without you
to see strangers be our relatives
to see unknown people be our concentration
you are my concentration
you are my only concentration
and i think to myself
everyday more i see him
i connect greater
like everytime our eyes meet
something grows deeper

and everytime i hear you
or meet you
everything becomes clearer
but its also like im meeting you for the first time
you are my only destination
and my time that i want to go to
that i want to spend
i dont want to go anywhere else
or spend any other time apart from

i want to live for you
be better for you
be beautiful for you
be strong for you
and id much rather think of those things
than be with everyone else right now

i imagine too many things
maybe you dont even imagine
i think about so many things
even you dont see
i dream about so many nights
i dont think you can even dream them
i have so many recipes
that i want you to taste
and so many words
that you can break free
and so many clothes
i want to wear for you
and so much music
i want to hear with you
i want to have from you and give to you
and so many places i want to explore with you
and so many prayers i want you to help me with
and so many times i want to cry in your arms
and so many .........................


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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -