Sunday, March 17, 2013

Change the whole of me 6

 I want to be strong
and dedicated
to any cause I decide to take part of
the ones Ive chosen
and the ones that have chosen me

I want to have meaning
and power and I want others to be able to depend on me
before I even depend on them

I want to be beautiful because I am kind
I want to be faithful because i am in love
I want to be in love because I am faithful

I want to be honest
and hopeful for a brighter tommorow
I want to start new chapters
and finish old stories
and maybe even write new books

 I want to be me
the one ive always dreamt of

 Iwant to write about deep inside me
and about deep inside others
expand the horizons of joy
and the creations of my intensity

I want to be neat
like clean kitchens across chinese embassies

I want to be clean
of heart and body and
living rooms
and clothes
and silk

I love silk
but silk needs special attention
and a smooth curve,.,,,,not sharp corners

I love it here
the queit
the peace
the cold......
the escape into a mindless retreat
just life

and good things to have and create

I love it there
the hustle
and bustle and
also calm after 12 pm Khartoum nighttime
just dogs barking in the black of another hard sun day
sweating amidst coolness and loving in the tropics
loving in the tropics
african suburbs break time
and just like i wanted
in the background of a humming,,,,,, refregirator

swimming pools remain in the quest to be found
and good things from abroad
but shops also have details that i want
to find
like three coloured shoes for 75 although it should be 40

takes time to love
although ive been loving my whole life
ive dreamt of this my whole way
rakshas crying for your step
and traffic lights being mistaken

love unfolds wildly
i dont like simple
i dont like the known

I like mysterious
and difficult
like level 5
or 6
out of 6
in the game of tell me who you are hope

tell me who you are
and ill tell you what youre not
tell me who you want
and ill tell you where he is
tell me what you see
and il ltell you its not here
tell me what you have
and ill tell you dont have anything at all
tell me how much is your faith
and ill tell you , youre poor
tell me about flying
and ill tell you , thats not it
for you will always drop

to the ground

No comments:

What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -