Tuesday, March 5, 2013

M & A 9...My all

If I wrote that you are my all
then i mean i am empty without you
like a big space never ending
like a big field never finishing
then I mean you are the one that has filled my heart
you are the one that has taken my nightmares away and given me love to forever stay
by saying my all I mean that  you mean everything to me ,
hating when you  are far from me
hating when you cant talk to me
when you cant reach me
and i cannot reach you
i am heartbroken because i couldnt talk to you today a lot
its like I want you but cant have you
i am lost without you and that makes me miserable
and i know that that is so unreasonable
but i am untouchable
only by you
and so my all are 5 letters that are heavy on my mind
that are difficult to find ... peace with
for i am in love with you
and i cannot breathe without you
or smile without you
even though i have to

by saying my all i mean
that you have changed my life
I  cant wait to be your wife
and im jealous
from anyone who has that dream
and from anyone that abuses it
all these stories drastically revolve around my head
and i cannot breathe
or sleep
because i fight
and time

not loving you is like a distant memory
a disastrous tragedy
you are the man i have let enter my heart
my day cannot start without you
my night cannot end if I dont hear y ou

at least.....


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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -