Thursday, June 27, 2013

6 down, 1 to go

I'm angry with myself at being so cold
and far away from the woman who should be so close
I'm desperate for a lief change , maybe this new adventure
will be a new response to the tiredness inside me
for I will live like a... a challenge
hidden in the countryside and working hard
spiritually, bodily, academically and beauty
but none of it will work if I am not ready
right now I feel like just another old day
...although these are special days
I am forcing them to become nothing
spending hours like dead flowers
just throwing them away

I made a friend today unlike the other
this woman is amazing
kind at heart
and spiritual
i admire her hard work and dedication to islam
and I also admire her strength and power to keep at it
although others let go a long time ago
.... she thought she would just die
its a term for saying she was really tired
but she still went unlike me I
just ...slept
and felt ...useless
anyway its too late saying anything now
im at the end
and im at the finish line
i will win inshallah no matter what but i will also
only make it harder for day
other days

this is the time to prove good things
i will go and be hidden and i will make this time like....
a quest to succeed
for its just me

no oone else can make me
do something i dont want to

and i dont want to be like who I am now
so why am I then like the way I am now?

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

am not agree with you that too many high hopes leads to too many disappointment .. am following the words :-
من يهاب صعود الجبال ... يعيش دائماً بين الحفر

your secret admire!!

What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -