you will say ...save me God

not of size .... they will say
hips too big but heart but too small
Im tired of being unconscious in this world
feeling like the sun is always down
but even then
my nights used to be glamorous and enticined with colour
infused with flavour
healthy..... you are not they will say
they will look with I told you so eyes
and i must be prepared
to not be shattered
for I am unfit
for such a beauty
I dont think this is how im meant to feel
I dont know how im meant to feel
but its not this

I feel like im at that point where cops pull you down and want to arrest you
pushing your face to the ground
and screaming the rules at your face
your body is crushed underneath them

life is that police man right now
even though
its 6.45am
and im free in the cool of a bright promising morning sitting looking out at windows to the trees
as i type silently waiting for something to happen


now