Friday, June 7, 2013

Starting again_freedom in alexandria

New day , new way
I must push myself to not go astray
needing to live life
but also remember death
for time is explicit and I cannot afford its wealth
of trust and truth and love and patience
I must become the hope filled with extravagance
and affordability,
blended with mango of joy
orange to the core
red to the heart
blue to the soul
crystal clear
of others want to lie
i will never falter
if others want to cry
i will never shy
away from my love of god first
then my soldier
then my family
then my friends
then myself
for loving oneself is a recipe for disaster
and i do not want to be a disaster

if i learned anyhting this holiday its
that time is really like a sword
for it waso nly a few days
my cousin was young and bold
and ...single
and its only a few days that life took
her to another plan
no one would have imagined it
and no one would have guessed it

walking along alexandria pavements
and listening to ...romantic songs
holding hands
and ....changing
with a man that is really a stranger
even now

time tears people apart
and changes peoples trust
and brings new roads we have to travel on
by meaning or by chance

if i learnt anything
its time is dangerous and
and is not a joke to be taken lightly
for everyday we pay time
to live
and everysecond
we should thank that we have time
to forgive
and others

I love sudan
but i get lost in its drama
something that makes me scraped
bleeding with recurrent talk
and loss of identity
i have lost myself
within trying to find myself

i dont know who I am
....and yet
I know i am a strong woman
one that will never give up
to reach her dreams
and one that will never
let down her faith

even if i have sinned
ya rab samihni
and even if i have forgotten
ya rab i will remember

I must get hungry for the search
i must get focused

for only then
can others truly want me
and need me


No comments:

What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -