Wednesday, June 26, 2013

the quest for jewels is over.... the quest for life has begun

Is it that im addicted to the game or im just so empty the game has filled me
after days wof unintentional madness simply my time being stolen away
i decide to ..erase this damn thing for i am a person of imbalance
either its all or nothing
and i decide this has to be nothing
for it is

a worthless part of my existence
nothing it could do but waste my time and ruin my eyes and fail my life
an F -  but i reached level 167!
imagine reaching level 167 in heaven now isnt that a real game to win
imagine reading 167 useful books
memorising 167 ayas from the quran
imagine losing 167 pounds
prob way too much than i need
imagining to listening to 167 good songs
imagine scanning 167 pages that you need to
imagine saying alhamdulilah, allahu akbar, la ilaha ila allah, istagfurallah, subhan allah
imagine saying i love you 167 times to the man you love
imagine writing 167 memorable things
imagine staying off facebook 167 days

God im tired
that means im so sad and angry at myself
and i want to pull this rope around my running life, stop chasing it and bring it back to me
because after all i do own it here on earth after you
ya rab
i own my life and not jewel quest
my quest should be for you
and not for getting to the next level before time is up
im amazed how i get a thrill that i have to win before time runs out
what am i doing in my own life/
where is my time bar ? at
it could be anywhere
i dont know
and im not even playing
where are you |HOPE!!

No comments:

What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -