Wednesday, June 26, 2013

that girl

theres a lot on my mind
like how inaccurate ive become
like where im gona stay on the 6th
that ive become conceited and not confident
that im a drama queen and do toddler tantrums
that im just a lost girl
for a woman doesnt do what I do
theres a lot on my mind
like where am I going
this is the last ramadan
that ill forever be alone
should i not do something about it
God is certainly

should i not become... true hope
living on the smallest and feeling the biggest dream
come true
like doing nothing but praying and dancing
and like not wasting time
and like working hard
and being ontime
and never missing one day

being that girl
and not this girl

theres a lot on my mind
like i should i take a handbag or a big suitcase
could i survive this or will i fail
what does faithful think of me?
I hope he loves me
even when im far
for i terribly miss him
this time worse than before
this time better than before
for i feel closer than far
and i feel younger than old
and i feel excited so so excited than
but i also feel.// turmoil that
im changing
and becoming different to the woman i know
will  i be ,,, just too ....strange for him?
i dont know ....

No comments:

What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -