Wednesday, June 19, 2013

you will say...I will never be sad again... from my own willing

i will never be sad again from my own willing
iv decedied ive never had such a better beginning
all white distant and around the world
all for me and i am free
by gods will
I am
I will never be sad with my own freedom
i will love my heart and soul so large with no treason
of a devils interference
i will never be heartbroken without queue
I wll never fail and waste time
i will never stop believing in God and thanking him
for he has never been but kind to me
and sweet to me
and given me happy choices
and proud one
and ones that i want
 and fitted perfectly for me
and offered to me
and i take them
i will never be but elegant
for i am an elegant woman
and i shall strive to show the world
and myself
and i will stop coming 7th and be first
for my faith deserves the representance
and i will represent
and have meaning for A heaven

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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -