Theres a time where I dont know who I am
I feel lost and strange in my surroundings
and i wonder where i need to go to feel at home
I feel like home is a far away land that I may never reach
for as long as I am in turmoil inside
then I am at war outside
with the human that I am
and the way that I look
and the changes that seem impossible because
they are impossible because I am impossible
because I cant believe them
and sometimes I Dont even want them
because i think - I dont deserve them
and so I must bewrong
to be this happy
the hope that I once knew is gone
at least
at least
I used to feel sorry for myself when i did wrong
now i dont even care
the hope i once knew is finished
now I dont even understand what is going on
and im too weak to try
its like the battle is already won and im still fighting
so im fighting a lost battle
ive let others take hold of my power
ive let others want things for me that i want
ive let others take from me what i want
ive let others enter and leave as they please
I am a huuge failure right now
unable to think for myself and
most dangerously
unable to do as i desire
there is no marilyn in hope
or hope in marilyn
there is no hope anywhere
i just feel dead , like her
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