Sunday, April 14, 2013

Zooming into you

This is Portsudan

 Inspired by 1 of Justin Timberlakes new songs - 'Tunnel Vision'

I'm feeling close to you even though your eyes are closed and you sleep 
somewhere between life's responsibility to take you where you do not exist except in my heart
flicking  your expression I will never forget
the way you help people 
I want to help you
i want to save you
but how can I? if I cannot save myself ?
I always feel lost
and without you I feel more lost
like in the dark in a tunnel with millions of cars flying by and possibly crashing into me 
and i do not know which way is the way out
and worse 
I see the way out but I cannot take it

I lay awake at 1.56 A.M
life is still
except the turmoil in my heart
where are you?
are you ....immature?
but isnt it the truth?
yes its the truth/////
i feel miniature 
I feel silly
I feel like my dream is running away from me 
and I cannot move run or even crawl to catch it 
it stops and mocks me to say
 come catch me if you can
and when i try - my vision is untouchable
and i cannot find
that beautiful body
its 2.01 
A.M and i am
with headphones zooming into you and the whole house is asleep - I quietly lay awake typing my feelings although I cannot feel
i rent words now and they are expensive for words are getting hard to surface from inside me
even though 
its true Ive never felt more heavy with perfect emotions
I wont hide it anymore
all i see is you
everything bad in my life disappears
and my camera zooms zooms zooms
and my vision stares at a wonderful man
one who i don't know yet but want to learn everything about
one who i am far from but want to be the nearest to
one who i am unable to taste but am craving for more than chocolate
and i LOOOOVE chocolate

2.04 A.M
I know you would never lie
and out of a a hundred million people saying yes and you say no
i would trust your no
I am warm but my soul is freezing 
for you are the cover that is missing 
 I imagine writing and 
and I imagine things wild and innocent
beautiful and beautiful
for I see everything beautiful because i see you
i'm so gone 

 life is an unstable stable with you
life is uncontrollably worth living with you
life with you should be insane and never plain

I cant deny how you make life appeal to the world and the world appeal to me
I imagine this song over Nile bridges after a long night somewhere partying at someone else s wedding that we laugh to and say 
nothing compares to us
somewhere over khartoum clubs and nadis 
and maybe debonairs pizza lingers in the background for i'm tired to cook for you 
but you
my darling crave me 
and so i crave energy 
and  pizza will work 

or maybe Portsudan?
they say Portsudan is the mystery of Sudan
and the hidden Europe
i say Portsudan is the city to be free with you and to
make history with you and make other things with you


I can see a confident young girl
no longer immature
and a tall handsome soldier
that would never lie
and so I know to trust him
more than i trust myself 

.............2.27 A.M

No comments:

What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -