the other side of the rail
whenever i watch titanic a strange feeling comes to my mind like i wonder how the stars silently watched or how cold it must have been or how was the food like - or who gives their life to anyone like the way rose did to jack or jack did to rose - just 2 and a half days and they were ready to die for each other and stay true for each other and take care of each other in dire conditions -
whenever i watch titanic i enjoy the large hats and beautiful dress designs and the part where they teach young girls to drink tea and her butterfly clip and tea on the balcony and the sunset on an ocean then i think of the hardship and the cold, of the screams and the smells, of the blood and the tears
i always think of the cold
i love the magnificence and the tragedy
the part where they first met and the part where they were last dry
and how someone can make strong memories forever in a second
and how life can mean something instantly if you find the right one - or a person you thought could never be right for you but ends up saving you or the one who makes you feel warm even amidst that terrible cold and shattering chinaware
and how moments become meaningless if you're not with them - what you bought becomes pointless how much money you have becomes lifeless where you were or who you are all become non existent for you just want to take a breath one more time.......
and how you would do anything to be with them because you trust them
and you want to survive with them and want them to survive with you
and how one person one beautiful person that you never knew existed and never knew could fit with you
instantly
can change your life
forever
like mine
because they warm your heart even when youre cold on the outside
and when you say
'i love you '
you dont just mean that
you love the whole world and everything that it means
and all that you can become
and all that they have made you
and all that life can be
you start to understand what promises mean and
promises become expensive
and promises become ...strong
What it is...
I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.
My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-
My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.
But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.
Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...
Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -
It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -
1 comment:
Jack and Rose, the infinite story :)
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