Wednesday, April 17, 2013

Marylin in Hope (1)

 =  Taking from the past a woman with incredible mystery
marylin monroe loved chanel no 5 - a perfume for true women
I can understand why 
there is something tragically desiring about it
I ask myself why she was so sad and how she couldnt see how beautiful she was 
then I ask myself the same questions

her pictures ask me to question my inner beauty and the depth of my smile and I want something more from myself
more than just normality
more than just being a woman 
more than just using lipstick or wearing something nice
I plan to write a series of life change using her pictures as inspiration and verification 
that a woman can only be beautiful if she feels it
nothing else can help


I plan to be a new woman
one who has something to say even if there are no words
I want to be something unique one to be remembered always
even if I am the only one to remember
I plan to exist
for myself first and then to help others
and to help others and make them feel
something theyve never felt before
I plan to be desired
to be natural
yet.... intermittent with diamonds or gold
one set of earrings or a bottle of chanel no 5 is all I need
to survive
I plan to ... be wonderful
like a purity in dirt
and an innocence in guilt
and a faithful amongst the weak
i plan to be strong
and in love

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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -