Wednesday, April 10, 2013

everything I....

White the colour of innocence and yet I dont feel innocent
I feel like ive hurt someone
I feel like i cannot let go of this buzzing discrepity in my heart
maybe its not seen that way - simple and easy
maybe its too mean and boring your life and your explicity

but isnt that a good thing?
not always
for its not your place to go fishin around close peoples feelings
no matter how close they are to you
but thats not fair
i should be able to make him feel what i want him to feel

no that is just rude
for you cant even control your own feelings never mind
never mind

maybe you can control the time you give
or the kindness you give
or the places you go
i dont know

i just know i feel like ive hurt someone
though i didnt mean to

but then again
maybe its just me
the sensitive boring woman i feel i am
right now
unlike white and glitter
i dont feel i have any sparkles
i just feel


i just feel

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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -