Sunday, April 14, 2013

hopeless ...on a hopeful day

it rains and rains and rains and yet.... all I think about are black feathers and blue velvet
the sun shines my heart and all I want to do is make sure things are perfect
which one goes best for my knight in shining  armor and the new hope i dream to be ?

things are meant to be
but things are not going how theyre meant to be

im too far away to make him feel right
God is no longer my first choice
and technology gives me no mercy and so
he doesnt want to hear my voice
but i think its the right choice
for i deserve to be heartbroken
all i want to do is cry
but i guess it is my fault i forgot to take care of him
instead of caring about black feathers and blue velvet
for him
for driving my time correctly has always been hard
but keeping people in love with me now seems harder..........

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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -