Sunday, April 21, 2013

Marilyn in hope (2)

This woman has had so much heartbreak
This woman has had so much pain
and yet during all her films and presentations
she looks the part and more perfect to the core
you cant see a scratch or a lash
even though her heart has a gash
of bleeding history and denial
that she may be the prettiest girl taken a picture of
because she has an aura of mystery and pleasure
and an existent secret that climbs up her shoulders
and a smile that curves my life around
for a black spot is similiar and I am only
slightly..... screaming
and memories have to be hidden and alive
pictures have to be hidden from her true feelings
and stories have to be untold
but a smile is the most important dream
and i smile because i have love


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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -