Wednesday, April 3, 2013

If I were him , I'd run away

It's like waves surge in a winters collision to drown me and consume me in thought and future scenarios when one should not think but of tomorrow -  I am shoved into insanity a woman uncontrollable with words lost for words lost with words lost by his words into an unexplainable state of joy and sadness this is my first tropical conversation and although it tastes slightly bitter maybe unsweetened lime juice I love it all his voice his inner peace his gratitude to his maturity and soundness of thought I have no fear in his emotion but worst , l ... My Worst - emotions overcome me to be loved to be heard to be wanted to be understood I scream my ideas selfishly but i know i agree with his sweetness some and wish he was my own to hear to love to be with but instead I find myself arguing kissing a night in the distance with ideas too large to grasp in the fold of this delicate bejewelled argument- I hold on like the grazing winds trembling In the middle of the ocean in a dark storm bleeding shivering cold races inside me but I continue to want to survive its late and it's too early for this  but I progress into madness for madness is to think for someone else. And I did I stop and shelter for pieces of wood come find me to take me home - good night my dear I have silenced you enough with my fears and moments of despair that i ran by you and you listened you have also calmed me but inside me ... Inside me is a huge volcano. Of . New beginnings this is the first storm and I have found shelter him 

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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -