Saturday, June 23, 2012

you can have whatever you want

You can have whatever you want
it just takes work


and I tihnk
No longer do I want my dreams to be dreams
No theyre biggerethan that
stronger than that
worthy thna that

I deserve the best that I can give and offer myself

You can have whatever you want
Not in a childish way
a jealous way
a mean way

No in an ambitious striving faithful way

i see there isp otential in all I want and believe and see but cannot yet feel

and its time my life changes

not just n one corner but in a lot of corners
a lot and lot of corners

and then those corners become curves
beautiful curves
melting into life
and its happinness

I think
God didnt give me that life becasue he wants better for me
but he made me see that i can extract what i need from it to feel it
and still be free
and so I think
God gav eme better
he gave me faith
my faith
annd that i worth everything
everything
because with it

I am higher than the most mighest person
I am smarter tan the most smartest
and I am more beautiful than the most beautiful

but I have energy that i want to give
and I have thing that i got to do

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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -