Sunday, June 3, 2012

for a girl who wants to start again.....this time for her , just her

For a girl who has absolutely no control over her nafs
she may be able to see the monster within

if a portal opens even for just a few seconds

for a girl who has no control over her dreams
she may be able to die without fulfilling any of them

unless she open the portal for a few seconds more


for a girl who has no idea who she is
she may have given all her energy to the devils smile

unless she opens the portal for a minute

is that her limit

just a minute

for a girl who has absolutely no power overher wishes
she may be able to hear that only she is one left out

alone
forever


unless she opens a portal for a minte more

for a girl who has no demands
she is simply unhuman

for a girl who is too afraid to try
worse
thas tried surrendering too many times

and is used to it

for a girl who has no knowledge but to surrender
her heart hearts

and she is used to it

for a woman who sees herself small
she will always feel small

unless she opens the portal forever

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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -