Monday, June 4, 2012

my dream _ is back

I ask myself the question

is there anything to stop me from achieving this dream?

I answer myself

no

no more will this dream be a thousand years away
no more will it be far
no more it will be weak in my heart
no more will i stop and start


I think to myself

there are dreams that are in gods hands yet
and there are dreams he has given to you
but they have unlocking keys tests and strengths you must pass to get to them

did you not ever think like that ?
like a challenge test
you must pass al achallenges to find the dream

but the abiility you have
these are not impossible challenges

and this is a beautifully possible dream


I tihnk to myself

when will this dream be mine ?
right now
i can barely form it
like a new foetus
it grows on me
it takes from me

i think to myself
this is my dream and noone elses

this is my dream
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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -