Sunday, February 21, 2016

the stolen pennys that are worth family

imagine someone stealing your life
from right underneath you
like the chair you sat on so you fall and fall and fall
or the bag you take to work , so your things spread into the air like butterflies
or the food you eat so youre hungry for trust
or the clean water you drink so your thirsty for understanding

imagine someone stealing your life long smile
and so your blind with sadness
imagine tearing your family open
and questioning all reason
so your heavy with the wrong answers

imagine someone giving you stolen time
so youre empty in the future
working for nothing but a dispersed family
of tragedy and mistakes
and wrong decisions and weak ones

imagine someone not only stealing money, but stealing family
like young kids on the street taken away from their family
only to be reunited years later
will you be reunited?
or will the cut be too great
and the street will tear
and you fall in
all because of a pennys greed

a wrong thought, a negative thought, a whisper of a devil, a shout of a brotherhood
gone tragically wrong


imagine someone killing your dreams
of a happy family
the one you imagined
all together
strong and one

imagine someone eating at your sanity
like a moth to  your clothes
finishing of the lining of respect
for there can be no more family
with wrong decisions

I miss writing
its like medicine
maybe like vitamin C
the push you need to get better
its like trusting your mind after a long battle of a mixed thread
it just untangles


the dream of a family of uncles and grandmother and grandfather , cousins, wives and sons all living all free, all strong, all with me and for me is... dead

the  dream of me making a family filled with honesty and respect , filled with trust of them more than trust for self.... is real and will always be alive and will come true .. i pray for it deeply and maddeningly

to be continued .....

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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -