Sunday, February 14, 2016

find your balance

where are you>?
the one i K now
the one i used to believe in ?
the one i cared about and the one i understood
where are you... hope
the one i trusted
not to let me down
not to break down
and not to feeel down
where are you?

i tried to find you in the midst of pain and calamity
surrounded by exxagurated stress and applications unknown their benefits
except to confirm madness inside your head
or was it positives and negatives and yess and then noos
or was it to read all peoples dramas and calamities
or was it to remember that you arnt alone
but as always you are always not using things correctly
out of balance
you are out of balance
it is sad
that you have to erase
have to eradicate
have to destroy
for you simply

cannot control yourself it is
how do you expect your body to sync in with balance if your whole mind, soul and body are out of balance

where is your balance
where is your freedom to control and choose the right way
where is your start and your end
where is your happiness
where is your understanding and your patience
where is your trusti n Allah
not the trust where you are on a deadline
but the one where you firmly await his plan

that trust

here you are in Valentines day
do you even love yourself?
do you even care?
how out of touch are you with yourself
with your work
with your true feelings
with your sadness

it is ok to be sad
but it is not ok to be useless
it is ok to feel worry
but it is not ok to become a worried human being
a worried woman
you can see it in your eyes
the lines
the frowns
the despair

doesnt even let you see the good side of things
like how things are starting to pay off
like how you are close
like how you are there
like how you can and you will
like how you are strong
and you are strong
you are hope
and your body is hopeful and you are filled with health
and trust of faith

dont give up now

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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -