Tuesday, February 23, 2016

Dear Dream 2.... What is your reply ?

I am nowhere near you
Call me and im not answering
Hear me and im not listening
Look at me and i wont dare u in the eye back
Tske me competition and i just wont win
I simply dont believe in myself
Love me and ill hate u back
Take me and il runaway
Wont stay
Choose me and i wont choose you

Dear dream
You are thirsty and i am spilling water
You are hungry and im the one eating
You are in conquest battling and trying and i am the one sitting under a tree putting my head between my hands and simply
Doing
Nothing
Dear dream
Will you be like the unreturnable
Hate me enough to stop loving me
Please dont
I have noond but you
Please start with me
For its the last cheesecake
The last bad choice
The last no choice
The last selfish choice
Demanding
They say
Persuasive
They say
No respect 
They say 
Like a dieseled rope to a match
They say i fire
Spoilt
They say
Lost
They say
Like a peacock 
They say
Too sensitive
They say
Not behaved 
They say 
Gonna hate me for life
They will

But i
Will not hate myself
Aand i will not eat my dreams away
And i will not break
And i will not shatter although ive definitely cracked
But one can still see through. A cracked window

Dear dream
Am sorry
Now what is your reply?  


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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -